Push & Pull
by Street Trash
Summary: Before we had stopped to realize, push and pull was the only thing we were good at. It was the definition of our dubious relationship. Neither of us willing to meet the other halfway. Run and chase was the rule of our idiotic games; and in the end what do we have left when fun and games are all over? Nothing. We never made an effort for progress. So what did we lose? Everything.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Before we had stopped to realize, push and pull was the only thing we were good at. It was the definition of our dubious relationship. Neither of us willing to meet the other halfway. Run and chase was the rule of our idiotic games; and in the end what do we have left to show when fun and games are all over? Nothing. We never made an effort for progress. So what did we lose? Everything.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice... at least that's what everyone keeps telling me.**

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**~Prologue~**

_"People who are sensible about love are incapable of it," - Douglas Yates_

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_You want to know what they're love was like, I'll tell you this much..._

Do you know what it's like to fall in love with a person? It's a type of feeling where you want that person but at the same time you don't want them. Have you ever experienced that before? One thing was absolute though... both Natsume Hyuuga and Mikan Sakura were experiencing this feeling, they were living it. Caught up in the moment, caught in the motions, the emotions, and the feelings pushing and pulling at the two of them.

They could gaze into each others eyes, and see the love that the other held for the other. But love sometimes cannot be enough. Other emotions begin to fill in that cavern along with love. Emotions, you'd rather not experience, but come with the package. These emotions feel the void one would call the human heart. Laughter and happiness have long since passed the two of them by leaving behind bitterness and sadness. But love couldn't keep them together. How can it? When you love a person, you love yourself just the same. So if you know what its like to love another person... what is it like to have that very love destroy the both of you? This the two of them also felt.

Love was destroying them and they understood that, but yet neither of them willing to throw love and they're foolish desires away. How can you throw away what brought you together, even when it hurts you, and continues to hurt you? To feel you're body start to tremble, to have you're feelings and your heart twisted. Angry words that have become unintentional and hurtful. Why was love doing this to them? What did love want from them? Love like the moon pulling and pushing at the tides. This was them. Why did love push them together, then cruelly pull them apart? They're feelings not once being considered.

While the two of them continued to love one another. They continued to destroy one another. Why? Why didn't they just walk away? Neither of them knew the reason they decided to stay. They could see it in each others eyes. Even if they wanted to hold on, a force stronger than them was convincingly, cruelly, aggressively, pulling the two away from each other. The two of them wishing that they could be together, not being concerned with stupid worries. Impossible, was the only thing love would whisper to them. Love was cruel, love is horrible, love hated lovers, love was like a double-edged sword. When did something so simple like hate become so complicated like love?

Argues insure as they grow and become weary. Angry, sad, and depressed was all they had felt. Love one another, is what everyone convinces them to do. Hate each other, is what love urges them to do. They were both smart people, so why were they stupid enough to fall in love with each, when they knew love hated them. They were just two people playing a game. Playing a game called run and chase. But when did they catch each other? They never did, there were moments where the two would catch up to the other, running the same speed. But too stubborn to be caught. Constantly they asked idiotic questions... screaming, crying, how did they come to have animosity towards each other?

_'How can we be together when we're like this?!'_

She loved him.

_'We weren't suppose to feel this way about each other...'_

He loved her.

_'Idiot!'_

They loved each other.

_'Why did I fall in love with you?!'_

Yet...

_'Why did you make me fall in love with you?!'_

She hated him.

_'Why did we fall in love with each other?'_

He hated her.

_'Were both smart people, we should have known better!'_

They hated each other.

_'Why do we love each other, when its obvious we hate each other?'_

They hated to love each other.

_'All we do is push and pull lately...'_

They wanted they're relationship to work.

_'I hate loving you...'_

But love is cruel.

_'I'm leaving... don't try to stop me...'_

They were done chasing each other. They were tired and exhausted.

_'I won't...'_

Because love was already done destroying them.

_'Surely one day you'll find another girl... smarter, prettier, and much more mature than me, one who'll love you more than me...'_

So in the end all they could do was lie to themselves and try not to see the truth before them that...

_'Surely you shall also find another guy... understanding, caring, and much more gentle than me, one who'll also love you more than me...'_

No matter if the two continued on the paths that they followed, that even if they separated... that they would always know, they could never love another person the way the two of them had loved each other.

At the time they were just seventeen, barely even eighteen... they couldn't possibly understand the burdening reality about the dangerous game that they were playing... the result was that all they could do was be burdened, feeling heavy, getting crushed by their own ignorance... the crushing truth that the rationality of love was larger than they're capacity... and now they are twenty-one paying for the commission of they actions... paying with they're harsh love one another...

This is the tragic story of how the arrogant Natsume Hyuuga and the prideful Mikan Sakura fell in love, a torturous love that the two shared and were destroyed by... their brutal love story...

_Will you listen while I tell you the rest of they're heartbreaking story?_

**To be continued...**

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Did you love it? Hate it? Leave me a review...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary: **Before we had stopped to realize, push and pull was the only thing we were good at. It was the definition of our dubious relationship. Neither of us willing to meet the other halfway. Run and chase was the rule of our idiotic games; and in the end what do we have left to show when fun and games are all over? Nothing. We never made an effort for progress. So what did we lose? Everything.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice... at least that's what everyone keeps telling me.**

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**~Him~**

_"What a rotten opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it," - Reg Smythe_

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_This is how it all begun, the beginning of they're story..._

It was a cold winter morning on the Monday after winter break had ended, and the cold eeriness from outside swept and crept slyly through the wooden interior of the seemingly empty two-story manor, not neglecting to fill every nook and cranny with its creepy intense calmness. The little winter light from outside scattered through the curtains trying desperately to seek refuge within the heavily cloaked bedroom. The only noise that could be heard was the sound of skin and silk mercilessly rubbing together, its rustling bounced off the dark walls and echoed throughout the room and had been joined with the soft tremors of suffocated snores.

Soft but somewhat messy in an elegant and sophisticated way; the blackest of all black raven locks hovered just above the beginning of the comforter, which seemed to be stretched due to the amount of bodies beneath its surface. The handsome raven locks seem to shift upwards along with their owner, who did not look in any form or way pleased by his discomfort due to the unknown female partner lying at his side, reaching outwards towards him; a desperate action to seek out body heat. Hands the same color of the whitest porcelain, probably held the same physical feel of it as well slowly rustled the dark locks. Obviously the young man in question that was being described was no doubt confused; the grogginess that he felt which could probably be easily seen as well by those who observed him with a keen eye would conclude that he was not a morning person.

Upon hearing the sound of a soft but steady beeping, the young lads attention is finally latched onto for the first time since his departure from slumber. Normally one would go back to sleep, choosing to ignore the irrefutable beeping waiting for its determination to give way. But for the annoyed raven no such thing was going to happen. It was a languorous moment as he reached over the young female who had tossed over and continued to be dead to the world and grabbed the cellphone sitting on the nightstand opposite of him beside the king sized bed. "Ruka," a word or perhaps a name that seemed to wake the raven from his lazy state of suspended animation.

One toss on one end of the comforter and he was up, headed for the walk in closet one would mistake for a completely separate room, the raven stopped and couldn't help but ponder to himself that perhaps maybe the room was rather enormous and himself rather small, but he cast the thought to the side as if it were wishful thinking. A crisp white polo with a 'GA' golden crust on the cuffs of the shirt tailored specifically for someone of his stature, and black dress pants neither baggy nor tight exactly the right size. Picking what he wanted to wear for the day wasn't a hard task, simply because he attended a private academy that mostly contained other rich snobby teenagers such as himself. Whose status did not allow plenty of them much contact with the outside world and its miserable trifles. When he looked up he was already in the shower. The wet coldness bringing him back to reality. How he got to the bathroom and turned on the water, shocked him but not enough for him to try to retrace his steps.

Walking out of the bathroom, tentatively drying his hair with a white cotton towel that a maid had left for him while he was taking his daily shower. "Un... hmm.. arg," his attention for the second time was once again latched onto by the young woman who was currently sitting up from her corpse position. Without glancing in her direction, he could infer that she had been just as confused as he himself had been at least an hour ago. "Woman, what is your name?" he asked her. Finally turning and facing the confused woman, his expression perhaps steely. "Your name?" he repeated, reaching for one of the lower buttons of his polo shirt. "M-me?" The woman asked. He heaved a sigh. "Yes you," who else could he possibly be talking to, is what he wanted to say, but instead he decided to bite his tongue to avoid making the woman embarrassed of her sudden stupidity. "Kusakabe Ryouko," she said after a long pause.

He buttoned his polo shirt all the way up, or rather for him that would mean stopping before reaching the last two buttons just at the collar of his shirt. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his wallet, opening it revealing its large contents. "Here," he said handing her at least five one hundred-dollar bills. Now fully dressed he headed towards the dark oak bedroom door. "What's this for?" he heard the woman called out behind him. He turned and looked at her "Cab fare," he said opening the door "I trust you can find you're way out," was what echoed thought the room after the door closed behind him with a soft click.

When he entered the dining hall, his mother had been seated at one end of the large twelve chair dinning table, and his younger sibling who mirrored both mother and raven's images. "Onii-chan your awake," his younger sister said looking up from her breakfast. "And you're not with your little friend," his mother stated. "She wasn't my friend," he stated sitting down across from his little sister at the table. "What friend?" Aoi chimed in. "Natsume, I would appreciate it if you didn't bring random strangers into this house while Aoi and I are sleeping," his mother informed him. "I'm not going to argue with you about this," he said; his tone every bit serious. Aoi sensing the tension tried to lessen it a bit. "Oh, mother about what I asked you, you know concerning father?" Aoi asked their mother. Their mother froze in her movements, and stared down at the porridge inside the antique chinese porcelain bowl below her.

Natsume looked up and his gaze meant Aoi's; an obvious hidden message written all over his face. It was also obvious what that message was and had intended to mean. The subject of their father was one that should always be avoided. Their mother and father had recently divorced due to his father scandalous affair that he was having with a woman much younger than his mother. His father was an incomprehensible bastard that his mother loved beyond herself. Why would his mother love someone so selfish and inconsiderate like his father? He remembered thinking to himself during the years that his mother and father had still been married while he continued to secretly watch the two of them. That was also beyond his comprehension. "I just remembered the time, I'm going to be late for school," Aoi said standing from her plate and the table, bowing her head "Please excuse me mother," Aoi said quickly fleeing the room but in an proper manner to get away from the awkward silence that filled the dinning hall.

Natsume looked at his mother from the corner of his eye only to find himself disgusted by the pain that flickered in her maroon eyes. He despised this house and everything in it. He despised the unwanted memories and pictures of a family that appeared happy but was quite the opposite. He despised his father for giving in to his folly desires. He despised his mother for being weak because of his father. He despised love because love did not love his family like love should. But what he despised the most was himself. He despised himself for feeling this way. He despised himself for becoming a monster, an unfeeling monster like his father. "Natsume," his mother called him only to receive a "Hn," as her only response. "You're father... do you think that he'll return to the manor?" his mother asked him. "No," Natsume answered quickly. "Why would he not come back?" his mother asked him Why was she asking him questions? If it was reassurance that she needed she was looking for it in the wrong person. He could not give her something that he did not have. And that something was hope in his father's faith. "Because he's with a woman who can make him happy and love him just as much as he loves her," Natsume explained to his mother.

Then silence filled the room again. He knew that what he had said had hurt his mother enough to stun her into silence. She seemed to have a thoughtful yet sad look in her eyes. "Natsume I love you're father with all my heart and that will never change... even if there is someone else that he loves," his mother explained to him breaking the long stretch of silence. "Perhaps but what about yourself? Can you love yourself just as much?" he questioned her. There it was again, that thoughtful yet sad look was reflected in those maroon eyes. "No, I was greedy in wanting him, and that is why I lost him to that woman. Because love requires that you give everything and not ask for anything in return maybe that is why you're father never loved me," his mother explained to him with a pause. "One day Natsume you to will understand what it is like to love someone-" Natsume cut her off. "That will never happen. Sorry for saying this so rudely but I am not as foolish as you to give my heart to another person and have them decided whether or not to break it," Natsume said while getting out of his chair at the large dinning table, he seemed to have lost his appetite not that he had even touched the porridge in his bowl. "Natsume do you fear the idea of falling in love with another person?" his mother asked him in a quiet voice.

Did he fear the idea of falling in love with another person? He asked himself. No? He wasn't afraid to love another person, he just didn't want to be like his mother. But, wouldn't that mean that he was afraid? Yes? He was afraid to end up like his mother. To yearn for another like his mother. To hurt for another like his mother. To feel for another like his mother. No that wasn't it he realized. There was no possible yes or no for that question. No answer. Just a simple realization. That if the two of them had never met, had remained complete strangers then his mother would still have her heart and wouldn't have given it up to that monster he considered to be his father. "Frankly I have no answer for that question. I'm late for school, excuse me," Natsume said leaving the dinning hall.

He won't fall in love. He won't end up like his mother. He would never entrust his heart to someone else's hands. After all he was becoming like his father. Becoming a monster that didn't feel love.

_Natsume Hyuuga didn't know that love had other plans for him._

**To be continued...**

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Did you love it? Hate it? Leave me a review...


	3. Chapter 3

**Currently under construction...**


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